Anyone Know of Any Good Caves?

My spirit is sullen and I need a place to hide out in for awhile.  Ryker had his second Opthamologist appointment Wednesday, as well as his 4-month well check Friday.  Both doctors are concerned about his eye movements, lack of tracking, and minimal eye contact.  So, we have a tentative appointment at Primary Children's Medical Center with one of their Pediatric Opthamologists.  The earliest appointment we could get is in late April.  Both doctors are going to write letters to PCMC to see if we can get him in sooner.  I didn't get really any hypotheses from either doctor and what they think the issue might be, just somewhat vague responses to my questions - especially from the Opthamologist.  Do you ever get worried, not by what someone says, but what they don't say?  Yeah, that's how I felt after Friday.  The Opthamologist just said that his eyes don't seem to show anything necessarily wrong, so it could be a brain-to-eyes issue, but he wanted us to go to Primary Children's for more testing where it'd be likely that Ryker gets an MRI.  He then added that you never know, maybe the Pediatric Opthamologist will conclude that Ryker's vision development is just uncommonly behind and maybe they won't do an MRI at all.  You ever get the feeling someone is trying to put an optimistic spin on things because of what they're thinking, but not saying?  Yeah...

At least Ryker's Pediatrician told me of another patient of his who exhibited similar symptoms, though he made sure to let me know that he wasn't jumping to any diagnosis.  That baby ended up having Optic Nerve Hypoplasia (or ONH).  If you read up on it like I have, then you know that most people with this condition are blind to some degree.  It varies A LOT and it can come with other brain issues, or none.  No one knows the cause of this condition and it appears to not be genetic.  It is congenital however, and there is no cure or standard treatments.  I have found some promising information about it though.  Vision doesn't deteriorate and can even improve.  Also, it is treated in China via Stem Cell therapy I think.  So, worst-case scenario is that Ryker has ONH and I find a way to take him to China.  That is, unless the US starts developing Stem Cell therapy for ONH.

I'm getting ahead of myself though.  Ryker might not have ONH at all, but I find it very hard to believe he's just THAT far behind in that one developmental area when he's right where a typical 4-month old should be in all the other developmental areas.  So, it's likely he has some sort of condition, and it seems like that it's neurological.  I just hope I don't have to wait until April to find out.  I hate not knowing.

On top of feeling worried and a bit emotional concerning Ryker, I found out yesterday that my cousin, Amber, passed away.  She was found by her husband yesterday morning, barely breathing and her lips were blue.  From what my dad was told, even if the hospital kept her alive, she was without a decent amount of oxygen for so long that she would have been brain dead.  So far, they don't know what happened.  My dad thinks they are going to do an autopsy to find out though. 

Amber was only 28 years old and, out of everyone in my extended family, I was closest to her.  Whenever there was a family get-together, you'd find me and Amber practically glued to each other's company...especially when we were kids.  I hadn't spoken with her since before Ryker was born and I feel horrible that I kept forgetting to call her back when she'd occasionally call and leave me a message just to see how me and Ryker were doing.  She always had such a sweet soul and loved everyone in our family so much.  The last decade of her life was a trying one.  She survived a possibly near-fatal car accident, which left her with years of surgeries and therapy (both physical and mental).  She struggled in the aftermath of that and had finally found her soul-mate in 2009.  She married him in October and was, by all accounts, really happy.  I'm glad she found someone to share even a few months of her life with before she left this Earth.  She deserved every bit of happiness this world had to offer her.  Amber wasn't just my cousin.  She was a friend, an inspiration, a beautiful spirit; and I'm going to miss her very much.