Bring On The Meds

Okay, this is going to be a slightly half-assed entry because, well...I'm exhausted.  Also, I'm on an anti-anxiety med for panic attacks so I'm a bit loopy...

I've come extremely close to my breaking point.  What's even more concerning, as I look inside the window of a house in my mind at the person inside, sitting at the empty, dusty table, looking uncannily like myself, but much more plagued, is that I probably am not even entirely aware just how close I am to breaking.  The outside me, the android-like self in autopilot, had alarms go off in the wee hours of Monday morning.  Upon hearing news of a most disgusting and disheartending nature, it sounded the alarms as it could see the girl at the dusty table, start falling away.  Even as worn out as she already was, she was still functioning, still waiting for her time to walk outside and deal with everything.  Not any longer.  The disease starting to make its way inside, knawing at the edges of her home, cracking the windows, invading what little comforts she had left...

Autopilot, her assigned protector, had taken some beatings of her own, and had come out of each one rather strong still, but scarred nevertheless.  Even this was a bit too much.  So, Autopilot held down the fort as best she could, while calling in reinforcements.  Thankfully, there have been several armed and ready to lend a hand.  Reinforcements were brought in by air and by land, and various distractions and roadblocks were created so the disease would have a hard time following.  Lieutenant Col. NISI-1, Autopilot's strongest reinforcements officer, helped take extra good care of the girl, but it was necessary to fuse Autopilot and the girl together again for awhile...

At the request of the Counsellor-Bot, Lex9.0 (Autopilot & the girl in one) and NISI-1 made their way to Dr. Drill Sergeant, who quite literally drilled some practical survival tips into Lex9.0's brain, and added a bit of cynicism to boot.  He also commanded Lex9.0 to see Dr. BeusBot as soon as possible, for further maintenance and strengthening of defense.  Lex9.0 will seek further treatment from Dr. BeusBot later this afternoon, then will report her findings, as well as general state of being to all surrounding reinforcements for a follow-up. 

So, basically, I'm currently on an anti-anxiety pill as I've been dealing with high levels of anxiety, panic attacks, and waking from nightmares with heart palpitations.  What the hell is going on, you might ask?  Well, most of you could probably figure out the culprit all on your own, so I won't get into it just now.  For those who don't know, let me be vague enough so you get it.

Say there's this guy, about 34 years old, with a baby on the way.  Say he meets some 17 year old high school student.  How and where they meet isn't quite clear and doesn't really matter.  Say this 34 year old decides he interested in this 17 year old, regardless of the fact that she's a junior in high school, is obviously underaged, or that, oh, did I mention that this 34 year old has a baby on the way?  Well, apparently, none of that seemed to matter to this individual.  He decided to break the lease with the mother of his baby, and move in with a buddy who would condone such vile actions, just so he can get some sweet, young, tail.

Let's fast-forward 5 or 6 months.  The 34 year old is expecting his son to be born in about 3 weeks, but his baby's mother has caught wind of him dating this very young woman.  She confronts the man, who makes up a very convincing lie to get out of the allegations, and then proceeds to punish whoever helped out him in whatever ways he can.  He even bullies the mother of his baby for being upset with him.  He upsets her so much that, in her pregnant state, she has a panic attack and cannot calm herself down.  She knows she needs to do something.  Enter 34 year old's sister, whom the mother thinks she can trust, reassuring her that this baby is important to her brother.  She calms the mother down, making her feel like at least someone related to her baby's father's side of the family cares.  So, she's maintained contact with her ever since, loving her, and trusting her.

Let's fast-forward to early Monday morning, just after midnight.  The mother finds out that the father of her beloved son, did INDEED have an 18 (now) year old girlfriend, and that she was probably the reason he abruptly broke their lease, making her have to move far away to her parents' place.  On top of that, the whole time she was pregnant, and even after his son was born, he hardly gave a dime to help out his baby boy.  Mother and son struggle, but get by through the caring family and friends that proved they wanted to be involved and help in whatever ways they could.  The 35 year old didn't have money to help his son out, but he had money to take this teenager out on dates and seduce her with whatever money and resources he had.  Which also may be why he doesn't acknowledge that he even has a son on his social networking sites.  No photos, no videos, no "proud father" words to those around him, showing off his baby boy.  No, but there are party pictures and now a picture of him and his teenaged girlfriend.  If you happen to find it, don't be fooled and think that it's a photo of a father and daughter as the age difference is staggering, even on film.

So, the truth comes out.  I don't think he knows that I know.  I've hardly told anyone.  Just those I can trust.  I'll have it out with him in due time.  Right now, I'm focusing on putting myself back together so I can get all of the legal documents finalized, and that in-and-of-itself could be a battle now that there's NO negotiation with a selfish, asshole, deadbeat, liar like him.  It's what Ryker deserves and he deserves the best.  After all is said and done and he moves to California, I'm going on a confronting spree.  Those on my Blacklist had BETTER watch the fuck out!  Mama Bear's mad and she's NOT taking crap any longer!