6 Month Madness!

As I sit here at my computer, dipping a watermelon flavored Ring Pop into some cherry flavored PopRocks (both of which I picked up at a Cracker Barrell restaurant shortly after my cousin, Amber's funeral because I needed a major sugar fix to offset my broken emotions), I acknowledge for about the 25th time that Ryker is now 6 months old.  He officially hit the 6 month mark yesterday, but (always the blog slacker) I haven't gotten around to blogging about it until now.  I look into the crib at him from my desk chair, still fascinated by how perfect his sleep seems, and I'm so thankful.  :)

Someday, God knows when, I'll blog about his birth and that whole insane time.  But, for now, I'm just going to reflect on how awesome Ryker is and how happy I am to see him doing so well by this age.  Right from the beginning, he was an angel of mine.  I knew he was there, even before it was confirmed.  It's like he called to me, and although I don't understand everything about that choice right now, I guess he saw something in me that made him want to choose me as his mommy.  He's changed my life in the ways you'd expect any baby to change any new parent's life, but he's so much more than that.  At first, I thought I was having a girl.  It wasn't a gut feeling, it was more like deductive reasoning based on dreams - which doesn't make much sense in retrospect, but I can be an odd duck regarding the way I think, from time to time.  I'd always had dreams I had a baby girl.  Never in my entire life had I recalled having a dream where I had a son.  So, it stood to reason that I'd have a girl, right?  Apparently not, but then again, Ryker's always been pretty stealthy so, go figure.

Now, as I look back on where I was when I was first pregnant versus where I am now, it makes complete sense I'd have a boy.  Ryker is SO ME.  I've always gotten along better with guys than most other girls, I idolized my dad for about half my life, and I love how rough-and-tumble Ryker already is.  I love the zombie-like sounds and growls he makes.  It cracks me up and just resonates: "This is totally YOUR kid, Lex!"  He's so ambitious and demanding (must've gotten some of that from me), and I love how there are other moments when all he wants is to snuggle with mommy and have her sing to him (I was always a huge snuggler as a kid, so I think he must've gotten that from me as well).  It's not to say he doesn't have any of Dan's traits either but, since I don't know what Dan was like as a baby or kid, I can't say what he gets from him for sure.  Anyway, by now, there's enough evidence for me to conclude that yes, in fact, Ryker is my son.  ;D

I initially wanted to have some sort of small celebration yesterday for him but, by the time my mom and sister got off work, they were both too tired to really do anything.  There's not much for a 6 month old to do anyway, and I doubt Ryker would even have minded not having a celebration, but I still felt bad.  So, today, when Dan was visiting, we picked up a couple of "touchy-feely" books for Ryker, as recommended by Sherilyn, his teacher from the USDB.  We also tried to find some illuminated toys that we could hang from his crib mobile, so he could try to focus on them and reach for them, but we weren't quite as lucky.  I'm hoping to find some at Hobby Lobby or Michael's tonight.  We'll see.

Anyway, as sort of a 6 month present for Ryker, I think Dan decided to hand over his tax returns for my attorney to review.  I thought I was going to have to battle for them, but when he was here, he asked me if I'd heard from my attorney.  I told him I had and that his we're still waiting for paperwork.  He asked what I meant and I told him we still haven't recieved the returns.  He then said that he would contact his attorney about it, so it sounds like he's not going to fight me on them after all.  What a MAJOR relief and a great thing for Ryker in terms of getting extra financial help soon (finally), and also helping to build back trust with me.  Hopefully, he follows through now.  Another thing I learned today is that Dan's moving to California.  Apparently, his sister has a job lined up for him in San Diego.  Dan actually seemed upset about being away from Ryker, and even started to cry.  Maybe I've underestimated his ability to care about others.  Having said that, I'm not entirely stoked about him leaving, but I think that there are more pros to it than cons right now.  I think it might actually make things better between us, thus making our abilities to be better parents for Ryker stronger.  Only time will tell.

Dan plans to get us webcams and a digital video camera to record Ryker's progress, so I can keep him involved and informed as much as he can be.  The best word to describe my feelings about all of this is relieved.  I was honestly dreading the day Dan would get to take Ryker alone overnight.  I wish I could say I had more faith in his parenting abilities when it comes to a baby, but I don't right now.  If Dan stays in San Diego for awhile, I probably won't ever have to deal with such anxieties.  Even if he moved back after only a year or so though, I'm sure he'd want to ease into overnight visits anyway.  I haven't felt so optimistic and so relieved in such a very, very long time.  There IS light at the end of this tunnel and it's glorious!  I have to thank my little man, Ryker, for this.  For some strange reason, I suspect he had the ability to pull some strings.  Though, I guess I'll never know.  In any case, thanks little guy...and HAPPY 6 MONTH BIRTHDAY!  I love you!  :)

P.S. Here's a little video I took of my silly Bugglesworth yesterday that I thought you all might enjoy: